Why I changed how I apologize to customers
Update to this from April 2018, here.
When I first started working in customer support I was scared to admit that anything could be wrong with our system. It felt like some scary legal loophole where the customer would come back years later and say “…But Chelsea said it was broken”
Recently (read: the last few months) I realized how off base this is. Our customers are assuming that things will break, and when they do, they are expecting us to acknowledge it fully.
“We apologize for the inconvenience this may have caused”
I cringe to think of how many email message I have sent with this line in it. The thing is — I thought I was being incredibly caring to send this line. That was, until a customer service person said it to me while I was on the other end, facing a problem myself.
I remember feeling angry and frustrated that their system wasn’t working. Hearing “We apologize for the inconvenience this may have caused” made me feel as if my problems weren’t perceived as actually being real.
But it sounds like an apology
Yeah, it does. I thought so too. Until I paid a little bit more attention.
“We apologize for the inconvenience this may have caused”
“We” — who is ‘we’? Is the entire Customer Support team apologetic? Or the entire company? The use of “We” instead of “I” doesn’t convey ownership of this issue. Instead, it spreads the blame, and waters it down.
“Apologize” — the word “apologize” feels incredibly formal here. Unless you are issuing a formal statement, or you deliver very formal customer service, the word “Sorry” such as “I am sorry” feels much more personal. I can understand what it feels like to “be sorry” — I don’t have much context on “feeling apologetic” — it seems more forced than emotional.
“May have” — this is the biggie. I used to feel that using “may have” isolated you from the blame that something really was wrong. As if, by saying “may have” I could talk the customer out of actually having been inconvenienced. But here’s the thing. They reached out to you — this means they were inconvenienced. They had issues. They needed your product and it didn’t work. Dancing around acknowledging this doesn’t make it “go away,” instead it fuels frustration.
We talk about Empathy
Our team is big on empathy. It is one of our core values we look for in hiring and nurturing our team. We focus on putting our customers first — and being empathic helps you to understand where they are — and helps you to meet their needs there, not where you assume they may be, or where you’d like them to be.
I used the word “empathy” a lot over the past few years, but I am not sure I truly understood the difference between empathy and sympathy until I watched this video.
“Empathy fuels connection. Sympathy drives disconnection” — Brené Brown
My customers aren’t looking for sympathy. They’re looking for empathy. They aren’t looking for half hearted canned lines, or excuses. They’re looking for us to take their perspective, truly be sorry.
There is a huge difference. Once I realized this, it changed the way I write. I stopped being afraid of admitting that something may be wrong and simply acknowledge the truth — something is wrong. Now when apologizing I say:
I am sorry for the issues this is causing for you and your team.
How this is different
First, I am taking the responsibility for their issue. It is on me. I am going to raise it to the technical team. I am going to follow up about it internally at our daily meeting. I am going to make sure this is fixed for you.
I am also sorry — which is a true human emotion.
And I acknowledge that this is causing issues for you and for your team. If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t be reaching out to me.
Apologizing now feels good
I’ve been using these new apologies for a few months now, and it feels really good. I no longer feel like I’m phoning it in, or being half hearted when a customer has an issue.
